


hi, my name is fuck off

by tsunderestorm



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 03:57:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6549676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunderestorm/pseuds/tsunderestorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavi was pretty sure Kanda knew what his name was, and at this point writing “LEAVE” on his coffee cups was just him flirting. Yeah, definitely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hi, my name is fuck off

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this tweet](https://twitter.com/meijins/status/720088749527314434) that I saw and _really_ liked. first time writing laviyuu!

Lavi peered up at the menu. This place had the normal choices: there was cappuccino, simple old coffee, espresso drinks, milk and syrup options...and a special sign that said “staff favorites” that intrigued him. Patiently, he perused them with vague interest, assuming that in the end he’d probably just settle for the usual. On the board were Crowned Clown, which was apparently a mango-banana smoothie with a cherry syrup-soaked pineapple ring atop the cream (the description garnished by some sort of mascot, a gold ball with teeth, wings and a tail) which was someone called Allen’s favorite, and Crystal Chocolate, which sounded pretty good - a caff è mocha with finely-grated sugar shavings on the rim. That one apparently belong to Lenalee.

The third one had no name on it, which Lavi thought was strange. Why make a board for staff favorites and not write the barista’s name? It said Lotus Warrior, and had a lovely pink flower accenting the border around the description: fresh green tea with a lightly floral, bittersweet syrup added.

“Are you going to order, or just stand there all day?” a voice barked at him. Lavi swiveled his gaze down and was met with the most gorgeous guy he’d seen in, well, ever. He was tall, around his own age, and had a name tag that said “Hi, My Name Is Fuck Off”. Even with a face so sour it made his lips pucker, he was  _ totally  _ his type.

“I guess I’ll try that Lotus Warrior drink, yeah?” Lavi said as he pulled some crumpled money out of his pocket. “What do you think of it?”

Fuck Off didn’t answer. Instead, he scowled as he punched in the selection on the register. “Have you ever had high-quality green tea? This isn’t your cheap grocery store blend, you know,” he said condescendingly.

Lavi grinned. Oh, had he. “Yeah, actually! When I was studying Japanese prints and myths last year in Tokyo, my host family and I had tea a lot.” Lavi could  _ feel _ the sneer that split the guy’s face and he maybe (definitely) relished in it.

“5.73,” Fuck Off informed him with a snarl as he picked up the smallest cup from the stack beside him and scribbled something on it. Lavi handed over the bills and when he received the change back, dropped it in the tip jar absently. 

“You know, you didn’t ask what size I wanted.” he said as he followed the guy’s path along his own side of the counter, watching him intently.

“This is the only size that drink comes in. Read the board, idiot.”

“And my name?” Lavi asked hopefully. He wanted something, anything to go off of here.

“You’re the only one in here. I don’t have to call it out.”

“Still…” Lavi was whining, and he knew it. “But you wrote something. What did you write?”

The barista turned his back to him and went about his business of heating the water to the correct temperature, pouring it gently over some leaves and draining them before he added a shot of syrup. Fuck Off was a tough one to crack, Lavi decided, when he handed him his tea (which, thankfully, smelled sweeter than its maker’s personality) and the cup had “LEAVE” written on it in bold, angry letters.

Not one to be dissuaded, Lavi persisted. “What’s your name?” He leaned over the counter as he watched him clean up the tea strainer, inhaling the scent of the fragrance and blowing lightly on the surface before taking a sip.

“You don’t need it,” was the particularly emphatic answer as he slammed the brewing cup in the stainless steel sink.

Lavi pulled out his receipt and looked at the top.  _ Register 3, server: Kanda Yuu _ . 

“Yuu…,” Lavi drawled. HIs name tasted almost as good on his tongue as the tea. He winked his good eye and wrote his number on the receipt before dropping it in the tip jar with a low whistle. “Call me, Yuu!”

Kanda stormed off into the stockroom with a murderous look in his eye.

“Good luck,” a boy with white hair and a bright red bow tie said from a hidden spot below the counter as he stocked clinking glass bottles of milk in the fridge. Lavi sighed. The boy’s name tag said “Hi, I’m Allen” (much nicer than Fuck Off’s tag) and had a badly recreated drawing of the gold ball with wings from the menu board. 

“Do I even have a chance?” he asked. “Give it to me straight, Allen. Help me out.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Don’t call him Yuu.”

Lavi slumped over the counter and sniffled, almost sending his drink made by the new object of his affections to the freshly polished floor.

\--

It had been weeks now. Lavi had been to the coffee house a lot, and he thought he was making a lot of progress with Yuu. Now, sometimes, he called him by his name instead of “idiot”. But then again, he thought, that was probably thanks to Lenalee and some harshly whispered (read: hissed) conversations in the corner of the shop about “proper customer service”. He’d seen a lot of people since he started coming there - a tall, thin spectre of a guy who looked like a vampire but only ever ordered hot chocolate, a guy with a kind of menacing gun in a thigh holster who hassled Allen about his flat white having the proper amount of foam until the sweet kid had thrown a fresh pastry at his head, and even a guy who looked a lot like the cute barista, Lenalee, who Lavi  _ swore  _ he once saw pour a cup of unbrewed coffee beans into his mouth and crunch like candy. He was really getting to know people, he thought, more and more people who made him want to get out of the bookshop a little more often. Everyone, that is, except Yuu, the one person he had started out  _ wanting _ to know.

\--

Lavi felt like his prayers had been answered when he walked in one day and Yuu was on break. Smiling, he slid down into the seat across from him and watched his hands grip the chopsticks he was using to eat his noodles. Nice hands, Lavi thought. Hands that looked like they’d been through something, hands that told a story. A story he wanted to know.

“Do you need something?” Kanda asked, looking up from his phone which, Lavi noticed, was in the middle of playing a video of what looked like katana techniques.

“You practice swordsmanship?” he asked, craning his neck to get a better look at the phone screen as he reached over to steal a slippery noodle from Kanda’s plate. It was worth it just to see the affronted look on his face and wink in response. “Indirect kiss. Anyway, that’s so cool. I read about that.”

“No one cares,” Kanda said, protectively shielding his noodles from reaching hands. “Leave.”

Lavi skillfully deflected the dismissal. “Can I watch you train sometime? You take your shirt off when you do?” he asked, hopefully, practically drooling. Lavi would  _ freely _ admit that the idea of Kanda Yuu stripped to the waist made the coffee shop seem a little hotter than it actually was.

Allen swooped over in that moment and set Lavi’s drink down in front of him, flashing a helpful thumbs-up before sliding back over the countertop to take care of the next person in line. Kanda looked at the drink and back at Lavi, nose curling in disgust as he picked up the last few noodles from his box. He took the drink before Lavi could taste it, pulled a pen out of the pocket of his apron and started scribbling something on the side. So much for progress, Lavi thought woefully as he caught Allen’s eye across the shop and sighed. He only turned back to Kanda when he stood up to walk away. Then, he reached across the table frantically, hoping for a phone number, expecting the usual.

“LEAVE” the cup said on the name slot, like it was mocking him.  Lavi was pretty sure Kanda knew what his name was, and at this point writing “LEAVE” on his coffee cups was just him flirting. Yeah, definitely.

Well, he sighed, at least he would have another empty cup to add to the collection growing in the backseat of his car.

Then, the heat sleeve around the cup slipped, revealing a  _ very _ charming cartoon rabbit with x’s for eyes above a hastily (angrily) scrawled phone number. Amazed, he turned to tell Allen and found Kanda right behind him, eyes flashing. Angry or not, Lavi heated a little at the closeness of him.

“Don’t. Say.  _ Anything _ .” he hissed through clenched teeth.

Lavi reached out and tugged on Kanda’s high ponytail. “Call me,  _ Yuu _ .”


End file.
